Baby Envy and Other Ranty Goodness

Okay, to start off with what's first on my title...Baby envy. I found myself consumed with it last weekend on the way to my house the Friday before my birthday. My mother was listing off all my relatives that are having babies. Then, I began to think of all the relatives that have had babies. All of a sudden, this animalistic growl escaped me and I muttered, "God, I can't stand it!" Preston gave me this bewildered look, and, to be honest, I felt a little bewildered myself. When he asked what the problem with the baby thing was (and he sounded a little panicked) I gave him some half-assed answer that I can't even remember now.

Now, here's the truth. I know I'm no where near ready enough to have a kid. I don't have the funds, my own house, a job that isn't Student Workstudy, or anything. But lately, I've found myself fantasizing about when it's my time to have a kid. About whether it'll be a girl or a boy first. What they'll look like. What they'll be like. How I'll decorate their nursery. The works! I want 4 kids total. To have them, and still be young enough to do the things that I want to with them (AKA be a DIY mom), I put myself at getting pregnant at 25. I'm currently 23. I thought that that would panic me, that I wouldn't feel ready at my set date, yadda, yadda, yadda. But to tell the truth...yeah, some days it still panics me...but now more often than not...it doesn't. Not really. And when it panics me now...it's for a whole other reason. So, I have baby envy. I want one for myself, once I have the means to care for it. I've come to really realize that now.

Now, onto another rant: my writing. God, can't someone just publish me? Can't I just finish something? The answers: No and Apparently not. I've been focusing a lot on my writing lately, accepting deep within myself that this is what I was meant to do for the rest of my life. This will be my career, come Hell or high water. I just need to keep working and get more serious about it.

Next rant. I've got so much to do and not enough time!

Well, I'll stop the ranting here. Thanks for reading!